Sunday, January 2, 2011

डायरी के पुराने पन्नों से

A love ballad


While standing on the terrace
When I watch the sky tonight,
I wish to be a star today.
A star, that twinkles
and watches
Thousands of people
Coming and going away.
And suddenly I think,
I would be able to see you then,
Forever.


Laughing, aren't you?
I know I sound crazy
If I tell you that -
Every single day
I sit kneeling down
Beaneath the sky,
Praying for you;
And the stars,
the twinkling stars
Become my guiding force.
"Every dark cloud has a silver lining,"

I hear.
But tell me O' blue sky,
Why doesn't the murky sky inside me
Turn blue?
Why isn't there any silver lining?

After you went,
I haven't seen those eyes
Which would shine with my arrival.
I haven't seen any gloriole face,
Which would brighten up with my name.
Why did you go then?
With a gloomy world left behind?
I have only your memories,
Treasured secretly in a small bag
Beneath my bed,
And your faith
Treasured secretly in my palpitating heart.

How do I forget that day,
The day when time suspended forever,
The day when my heart left its dwelling place
And the mist disappeared
When you promised -
"We will meet here again,
One day, when I become a success".
And I couldn't sleep for nights,
My sleep stolen by my own dreams,
And I stayed awake with the niceness of it.

I remember your eyes often,
Watching me with a secret silence of something.
The memories of the past will fade,
But I will cherish that 'something' forever.

Will you believe,
Many times
When others slept,
I crept away
Down to the darkness of the sitting room,
Because I wanted peace for a while.
I roamed in the lawn in the dark night,
Thinking of that 'something'.
'A thirsty fish in the ocean'.
The spirit of moonlight became my friend then,
Which took me to a calm, yet throbbing world,
Teaching me the value of stillness,
The value of unspoken, inxplicable expressions.
My first tutor, friend of the lonely!

Then I came to know
Why I was always alone.
Maa said,
"You always give away more than you own,
And so you are always a failure".
But Maa,
A man who fails well is better
than the one who succeeds badly.

When I look back to those days
My isolation acquires a certain glow,
With a contentment that I never left you alone.
Do you feel me to be special?
I want you to know that
I will always be there,
Just a call away.
Even when we never meet again.
Never in our lives.
And no,
I will never say good bye.

(17th June, 1995)

3 comments:

गिरिजेश राव said...

Marvelous! I'm mesmerized at the flow, the ease with which the words flow.
Stunned at the simplicity and sublimity of the emotions.
And obviously at the maturity of adolescence.
Now I'm wordless.
...I would have quoted passages from the poem and explained but alas! I'm short of words.
...A man who fails well is better
than the one who succeeds badly.

नीरज बसलियाल said...

Simply... a feeling to cherish

Manoj K said...

long but sweet and full of emotions. for me as well moonlight is the only companion. i wish i could hav the expression you hav. looking forward to more pages from your diary. ManojK.